If any of you are like me, then you’ve been following the Jian Ghomeshi trial that is ongoing. If you don’t know what’s going on, basically, Ghomeshi is on trial for allegedly punching/slapping and choking three women without their consent (there are others that have accused him of this but only three are on trial). The first and third witnesses’ identities are protected under a publication ban, so we don’t really know who they are. The second witness to testify was actress Lucy DeCoutere of Trailer Park Boys fame. I’ve been watching this investigation and trial closely for two reasons:
- When the news of Ghomeshi’s firing from the CBC first broke, there were many women who had worked with him claiming he sexually harassed them in their workplace. He was a powerful man in the CBC and arts community and appeared to have gotten away with this harassment for years. I had just recently quit a job wherein I’d been sexually harassed by my boss and was unable to get any support.
- Depending on how this trial plays out (so far, not looking good), women will soon have very good confirmation of how victims of sexual assault are treated and it will show us whether or not the justice system respects victims of sexual assault or not.
The trial has played out precisely as I expected it would. Ghomeshi’s lawyer has humiliated the victims and thrown red herrings all over the place in order to discredit them, distracting us from the actual case at hand. I’m not a lawyer, but my understanding is that the only thing being examined is if Ghomeshi slapped, punched and choked these women without their consent. That’s it. What Ghomeshi’s lawyer has done is make us question the women’s behaviours and motives, making them seem guilty and him as a poor guy who has been wrongly accused.
I think DeCoutere is a prime example of what Ghomeshi’s lawyer has done, simply because she and Ghomeshi have had so much correspondence and is the only victim to want to be named. As court ran on, it came out that DeCoutere and Ghomeshi had spent time together following the assault and continued correspondence for years. DeCoutere sent Ghomeshi flowers after the assault and told him she wanted to fuck him the very next night. She even wrote him a six page love letter, all after this man had sexually assaulted her. All of this information of course makes us question DeCoutere’s behaviour. Why in the world would you ever send a love letter to the man who assaulted you? Why would you want to maintain contact with a guy who is such a monster? It doesn’t make sense, does it?
The questions and comments on various articles are now claiming the women worked together and falsely accused Ghomeshi because they were spurned lovers. Comments indicate that they feel an innocent man could potentially be going to jail. This is exactly the story Ghomeshi’s lawyer wanted to have us all believe. These women are just so upset that Ghomeshi didn’t want to date them that they’ve rallied together to falsely accuse him. That is absurd! Women are well aware that victims of sexual assault are humiliated and, essentially, re-victimized when they report these crimes. That’s no surprise, we live in a society that blames victims for their actions. Women grow up being told to watch what they wear, watch how much they drink, watch how late they stay out and be careful where they go because they might get assaulted. Why don’t we tell men not to rape? It’s a disservice to men to have them seem as some sort of primal animal that is incapable of restraining himself because he saw a woman’s thigh. It’s ridiculous and an insult to men.
Women are expected to be nice and proper. We aren’t to be rude and we have to be friendly to everyone. If we say “yes” and consent to sex, we are sluts. If we say “no” and refuse sex, then we are putting men in the “friend zone”, which is just as bad. We can’t win. I remember when the man who raped me kissed me without consent the first time and how freaked out I was. It was weird and creepy and I wanted to avoid him. I wondered if it was a one-off kind of thing and if I had done something wrong. I still wanted to be away from him, but because of his connection to my family, I constantly ran into him. He knew what he was doing and essentially groomed me for the relationship that was to come. When I broke up with him and he raped me that night, I got away from him as fast as I could. But I still ran into him again, because of the family connection, and I still hear regular updates about him from my family. You’re wondering why I didn’t report my rape. The answer is that I was 18, he was 27, I was a kid and he was an adult. We had been in a relationship and had since broken up. I didn’t have injuries that I could point to. Nobody would believe me. If I went to the police, my parents would find out, my friends would know. He would go in and tell the police I was lying and when I explained what happened, the police would say it wasn’t a big deal. It wouldn’t go to court and I would be humiliated in front of my friends and family and he would go on as the poor damaged man who had been falsely accused by some weird little girl. He would have gotten away with it anyway.
With all three witnesses in the Ghomeshi trial, it’s easy to see how they are being blamed. They claim that Ghomeshi assaulted them but one sent him a bikini photo, DeCoutere sent a love letter and the third went on another date with him. We ask again, why did they do that? All of these women seem to have been running in the same circles as Ghomeshi and he was popular and powerful. These women likely knew their careers could be negatively affected by coming forward and, as I felt, who would even believe him? This was not some guy in an office building who nobody know, this was a powerful man, a celebrity, who had lots of pull in the industry.
In my experience, I didn’t come forward when I was being sexually harassed at my job because my boss was powerful, like Ghomeshi. My boss was super close with the CEO of the company, my boss decided my pay, he was well connected in the industry and if I had come forward early on, he would have blacklisted me and fired me. I’d never work in that industry again and would struggle to find a job. As it turns out, when I did come forward before I quit, nobody believed me at first. I was asked if I was sure he wasn’t joking and I just didn’t get the joke. Eventually, my union came to bat for me and I spoke to them, HR, and a number of lawyers. I retold the stories over and over, and you know what happened? I was told I was making this up because I was unhappy with my salary and that it was all a big misunderstanding. My case is in limbo, he continues to collect his massive salary and harass women. All of that, and what did it get me? Nothing.
I know the anti-feminist agenda likes to propagate the idea that women frequently falsely report rapes and assaults because they regret sleeping with someone. Either they got a bit too drunk and made a mistake or they’re jealous and conniving and trying to get back at a man who wasn’t interested in them anymore. Really though, what woman in their right mind would put themselves through what these witnesses have been through just because they thought they regretted their actions? Is it worth being humiliated in court and before the media? Is it worth being stigmatized as a victim? Is it worth all your friends, family and colleagues knowing what happened to you? Being judged? Coming forward about and assault or harassment is humiliating. You go in knowing it’s unlikely anyone will believe you. You go in expecting you’ll have some dignity as everyone promises you’ll have, but there is none. You’re vilified. No man is worth it for a woman to be humiliated like that. Is there never a false report? No, of course not, there are exceptions to every rule. But I’m willing to bet that the vast majority of reported assaults are true assaults and not spurned lovers or women with regrets. We victim blame as a society.
DeCoutere and the two other witnesses likely expected the same thing I experienced. Who would believe them? There were other women who worked with Ghomeshi and claimed he sexually harassed them at work. The women who Ghomeshi sexually harassed at the CBC needed their jobs and knew that he was powerful and he could impact their careers, both positively and negatively. No wonder they didn’t come forward. When you’re the victim of a crime, you feel completely alone. I can imagine that each woman that Ghomeshi assaulted felt completely alone, tried to normalize the situation or just tried to move on. When the reports came about about what Ghomeshi had done, these women likely realized that what happened to them wasn’t a one-off, this was his behaviour and he did it over and over and over. The people claiming that they made everything up and have falsely accused this guy have likely never been victims of sexual assault. As I said in the previous paragraph, it’s embarrassing and degrading to have to tell people what happened to you on it’s own. To then have to get up and be grilled over your every action, as if you brought the assault on yourself, would be reliving the whole thing over again and re-vicitimizing the victim.
All of this to say that when you drill down to what Ghomeshi is on trial for, DeCoutere and the other witnesses actions after the assaults do not matter. It doesn’t matter that DeCoutere said the next day she wanted to sleep with Ghomeshi. It doesn’t matter that DeCoutere sent him a six page love letter. It doesn’t matter that the first witness sent a bikini photo to him. It doesn’t matter that the third witness met Ghomeshi for dinner after the assault. Their actions after the assault don’t matter, they’re irrelevant. This is the only question at this trial: Did Ghomeshi slap, punch and choke the victims without their consent? That’s it. Ghomeshi’s lawyer is doing a great job attempting to make us forget that. There is some small hope that he will be found guilty since the case is only being heard by a judge, without a jury. Realistically, I don’t believe Ghomeshi will be found guilty, as a society we are still too focused on blaming the victim and normalizing violence against women, particularly when the accused is a rich, powerful celebrity.
I will always believe one woman over a powerful man.
Come Home, Open Wine 